Remember the Lance Armstrong drama? He was the American cyclist who won the Tour de France seven times, arguably the most grueling athletic endurance competition imaginable. Remember how he eventually admitted to Oprah and the world that he was doping after all.
In my opinion, Oprah interviews skillfully. Her very first question was one to make certain he was agreeing to a "no holds barred" conversation. Whoever was refereeing him until that point was extraneous. Whatever rules he was playing by previously were no longer relevant. Whatever his game, it was over. No ring, no rules, no ref. No holds barred.
And so he began the process of confessing lie after lie. Countless, elaborate lies executed with magnificent authority, unequivocal boldness and elegant arrogance. And here's what I have learned from lies-gone-awry.
1. I should do everything I can to set myself on a clear path with decided values. At one point Lance said "I lost my way." People lose their way because they don't have a guide, a compass, a map or a plan. It happens easily. We get too focused on a 'win' or too confident in our ability or too careless with our truth. Take action to prevent that. Have someone in your life that you trust and respect and ask them to hold you accountable. Know your core values, find your true north, and hold to it.
2. If the culture I am in is not good, change it or get out. When Oprah asked Lance if it were possible to win without doping he said "Not in that generation." He went on to say that he did not invent the culture, but neither did he try to stop what was going on. Again, easy thing to do. We make a few small compromises and the next thing we know we are sliding down that infamous slippery slope. When we are at the top of the hill, before the sliding is fast and unstoppable, listen to the caution in your gut. Review your core values and ask yourself "Am I sacrificing my lifelong integrity for a temporary 'win' and can I look myself straight in the eye and say it is worth it?"
3. The Truth will triumph. One way or another, truth finds a way. For all of human history, this has been a problem for those who find themselves telling lies. Usually truth surfaces, sometimes with the most inconvenient timing. Even if we don't get caught, even if we get away with our lies for years and years, even if there seems to be no external consequence, one way or another we are haunted by our lies. Whether the consequence is being painfully mistrusted for the rest of your life, or whether the consequence is the horrible weight of lies inside our head ... the price for deception is severe and worth considering in advance.
4. It's not black and white. As much as it would simplify things, we do not live in a black and while world. Lance certainly appeared to be not only a scandalous liar and a cheat, but willing to stomp on the hands that helped him up. Still, he was not all black. Oprah read from a letter she received.
“I’ve heard that he is a real jerk.
But I will always root for Lance. He gave me hope in a very dire time. My first-born son had just been diagnosed with leukemia two weeks before his first birthday. And I’m in intensive care barely able to breathe, and my brother sends me Lance’s new book, ‘It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life‘.
I read it cover to cover, through the night. It showed me that there was hope for my son, to not only to live, but to thrive. I had a choice to make that night on how to respond to my son’s illness and teach him how to face the world.
But I will always root for Lance. He gave me hope in a very dire time. My first-born son had just been diagnosed with leukemia two weeks before his first birthday. And I’m in intensive care barely able to breathe, and my brother sends me Lance’s new book, ‘It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life‘.
I read it cover to cover, through the night. It showed me that there was hope for my son, to not only to live, but to thrive. I had a choice to make that night on how to respond to my son’s illness and teach him how to face the world.
Acknowledging the good in people does not mean negating the bad, or vice versa. Somehow we have to live with the tension of good and evil - in our world, in our heroes, in our friends, in our spouses and in ourselves. We have to hold justice in one hand and mercy in the other. No small task. But ever so vital.
5. It's never too late for redemption. Many people suspected that his admission was simply due to a desperate absence of options. Maybe so. But everyone deserves a chance to make it right.
It's very difficult to correct a lie sometimes. I mean the kind of lie that has gained momentum and has become MUCH bigger than we originally intended. The kind of lie that we out of 'necessity' defend, justify and eventually believe. The kind of lie that requires a huge dose of humility to confront.
Offering 'grace' and giving people a chance to 'make it right' is not to be confused with dropping the crime and giving them back your trust. Lance understood this when he said "I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn back trust and apologizing to people. The rest of my life!!” Trust must be -re-earned, sometimes it takes a very long time, and often protective boundaries need to be in place during the process.
But still. Grace is a wonderful thing. And it is a rare life not in need of it at some point. If you need to allow or experience redemption and grace but can't seem to do it ... call me. I can help.