I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Wow. Those are some pretty serious 'I don't knows'! Not knowing what to fight for. Not knowing where to invest your time and energy. Not knowing why a scream rises up inside you and must come out. Not knowing why anger, fear, rage, hurt or paralysis swirls around in your head and body. Not knowing why you lash out at other people. Not knowing why you say things you regret. Only knowing that it is not alright.
Sadly many of us can relate. And there's only one tiny problem with Linkin Park's lyrics. If we don't know the 'what', the 'why' or the 'how'.... it is really really hard to break the habit. It is hard enough to change behaviour when we know what we want and why. But it is super hard when it comes from that confused, lost, free-floating troubled place. If only it were as simple as concluding "Hey... this isn't alright! I'm gonna break this habit tonight!"
January 2016 is the beginning of another new year. Traditionally it's a time of fresh resolve to live life better. The gyms are full, the diet industry thrives, self-help books fly off the shelf. And within a few weeks, sadly, many of us will have failed. The habit we wanted to break or the resolution we wanted to keep has been tossed in the giant 'failure' bin, and we carry on as usual... a bit more jaded and cynical perhaps, but otherwise unchanged.
However it is possible to change. It really is. It is not easy but it is possible and that's huge. Habits actually can be broken and healthy choices are doable. First though, it is so very helpful if you can put some of the puzzle pieces in place and understand the lure and the drive towards unhealthy choices, bad habits and self sabotage. It is very helpful to understand what part of you wants to run, scream, hide or fight.
If you want to stop spinning, flailing and falling and figure out what you really need and want and how to get it, call me. I can help.